This might be a bit of a rambling post. I don’t have a clue where it’s going to go. I just know I want to process a bit on my pet tonight.
A few days ago I was talking with pet about feeling depressed. I’ve been a bit withdrawn. Also on this day I ruined pets O. (I thought that would be a hard thing to do online? Turns out it was really easy.)
Shortly after that I noticed pet seemed off. Not his usual self. He didn’t complete his assignments two days in a two, which is highly unusual. He felt really bad but he couldn’t give me a reason for his noncompliance.
I tried to help him process his feelings as to why he was feeling down. He could only say he was in a “funk” and didn’t know why because it’s not typical for him to feel that way. He’s only just starting to come out of it and be his normally attentive, adorably goofy self.
His coming out of it coincides with my depression starting to recede. I had thought maybe the ruined O had something to do with his mood. But I’m also wondering if he’s feeding off me and my emotions? I know this happened to me when I was a sub.
I didn’t like this version of pet. I wanted my old pet back. The one who makes me laugh when I’m sad. Who gets cheeky at just the right times. Who pushes my buttons and me into domspace when I need it.
When I am depressed, either as a sub or now as a Domme, it helps to intensify things. I used the fact that pet had missed doing his assignments as an opportunity. As a result, I have a very lovely photo of pet secured to a pipe in his basement with several clothespins attached to his scrotum. Another of him kneeling with a sign around his neck which he had to post on social media, several pages of lines, etc.
I think out of everything it was the sign that said “bad slave” that had pet feeling the worst. It really brought him low to think I could think of him this way. But I had to. It was part of my plan. I used this to build him back up again.
Late at the end of a very long day, when pet was all done with his punishments, I switched from being cruel. I told him how pleased I was with him. I told him he had redeemed himself, that he was not a bad slave, and to take the photo off social media.
I felt him coming back to me after this. But I’m still not sure if it’s what I put him through or if it was my own mood lifting (in part due to the things I had put him through). This is all so new to me and half the time I’m just doing things cuz they “feel right”. If there is a manual out there, I’d like to read it!
In the end, I guess it doesn’t matter. I’m just glad he’s back to being my pet.