I wrote this some time ago. Just getting around to posting it now.
I woke to a headache this morning. Didn’t get much sleep last night. Took meds. Didn’t work. Decided to try and treat it another way. Meds are just chemicals released into your body right?
I rolled over and grabbed my phone to respond to my friend j’s message. I was going to make him wait awhile longer. But I needed treatment.
I’m grumpy today. I woke with a migraine
That makes me sad Miss. is there anything I can do to help?
Are you home?
Dress up for me j.
Yes Miss I will get my things.
Don’t expect compliments. I’m not in a good mood
My only expectation is to please You.
While he gathered his things I contemplated. This was exciting. Up until now, I had never given j an order before (requests yes, orders no). He intimidates me with his experience. He’s been in this a long time. He’s had some very good Mistresses who have trained him very well. So I’ve kept him as a mentor, a friend only. Of course I’ve known he’s wanted more. Women know these things.
So back to j dressing up. To be clear, j is not a cross dresser. His previous Mistress enjoyed dressing him up at home, preforming in video chat groups, etc. It’s being under control that he gets off on, not the dressing up.
When he returned he sent a photo of all his slutty clothes. Stockings, thongs, panties, teddy, corset, etc. This boy is well stocked, I thought. We proceeded to play dress up for awhile. I had him twirl like a little girl. I could feel my headache receding.
How does it make you feel j? (I’m always curious about this aspect of submission. What makes a man want to submit? How does he feel emotionally when subjected to humiliation, pain, etc?)
Sexy, sluty, and under full control Miss….In other words very happy
It was a fun session. When it began I was irritated and just wanted to hurt someone or exert my control. By the end I was laughing and clapping my hands.
Lol omg what am I gonna do with you?
Those familiar tingles…. I want him. I’ve wanted him for some time. But…. Throwing caution away,
I want you j. Until you find your Mistress, you’re mine. Yes?
Yes always Miss. my dream has been made reality
But you’ll keep looking for Her….I want you to be happy. With someone who can give you all her time
Yes Miss as You say.
After a bit more talking I said, I have to do something now so I’m putting my toy down. But not away (This an inside joke. j once pointed out to me that I have a habit of not putting my toys away when I was done using them. I thought he meant my vibe. At the time I had thought, how does he know I lost that? It was one time! Turns out he meant himself. Apparently I wouldn’t clearly indicate when our conversation was over and he would be left waiting for me to return, for a really long time, just in case I still needed him)
Yes Miss I shall kneel as I wait.
Hmmm. I was only going to grab a drink. But then I decided to test him a little. I putted around, read a blog, made my bed. About 25 minutes later I returned and sure enough, j was still kneeling, waiting for me. This boi is certainly well trained.
Headache? What headache?
So it would seem I am back up to 2 online subs and a sub husband learning his way. I vacillate with my decision regarding j. It was impulsive. Then again a lot of my decisions are.
In many ways I like that he is trained already. He has an ingrained desire to please. He puts me on a pedestal and I know I will be his priority. He has already shown this to me over the past several weeks. He is articulate, humorous, intelligent and cheeky.
But so damned experienced! I feel a bit like a toddler at the grown up table. This is on me though. He is very humble. And reassures me. He tells me “Whatever You do is right for me Mistress.” He tells me he doesn’t want a textbook Mistress, just my pleasure.
Still I am uneasy. I have this fantastic toy to play with and I don’t know what to do with it. I hesitate to take it out of the box. I know what j would say. Do whatever You like, Mistress, whatever brings You pleasure.
I’m overthinking. Is there a treatment for that?