I have a teacher. She is a true believer in the Devine Female. A Female Supremest. She is aware I do not fully accept her beliefs, however she agreed to take me on as her student anyway. To guide me to a path of feeling empowered and entitled. Why? Well that is an interesting story…
She, let’s call her D, had a sub once. Trained him extremely well in the ways of the Devine Female. And then let him go. I still don’t know the reason for this. I found him, befriended him and quickly realized he would never be happy unless he was in real service to a deserving female.
So I encouraged him to reach out to his former Mistress. Which he did and is now back under her service. In doing so, I met D. She was impressed with how I managed her sub especially with such little experience on my part, and a friendship began to develop between her and I.
She sees potential in me, to one day be a fully entitled Domme. (She sees another side in me as well, a side that requires work. More on that later.) I was/am allowed to use her sub to cultivate my empowerment. I take what I learn and apply it to my own subs.
I don’t always agree with D, and will usually tell her when I don’t. However, she does end up being correct about a lot of things so I’m learning to trust her. She’s tough though. She doesn’t accept excuses. She expects brutal honesty. Not only with her but within myself.
That’s been difficult. She challenges me to really look inward and to be honest with myself. She will give me a question to ponder and rarely does she accept my first, second or even third answer. She tells me simply “No that’s not good enough. Think again.” Or “Who are you trying to fool? Me or yourself? Come back when you’re ready to be honest.”
I told you she’s tough. She forces me to face things about myself. Like the fact that I have submissive side. I don’t want this to be true. I think I’m ready to pick a side. But then sometimes I think what if she’s right?
I know I wouldn’t make a good sub for someone. I’m too stubborn. Too controlling. Too spoiled. Too proud. I told D this. She isn’t buying it for some reason. And I can’t seem to figure out if she is mistaken or if she sees something I don’t?
Yes I enjoy being little. I have even learned to get there on my own, without a daddy.
Yes I enjoy bottoming. But even then I’m usually topping from the bottom.
Are these the marks of a submissive? I don’t think so. D does. Therein lies the dilemma.
Yes I have submitted to a male before. The wrong in this, for me, was that it weakened me as a Domme. I wrote about this before. So I know I cannot go down that path again.
D doesn’t have a problem with a female submitting -as long as it’s not to a male. Men are inferior in her eyes. The fact that I have submitted in this way is very upsetting to her. So she has taken it upon herself to do everything she can to ensure this does not happen again. And she has come up with a plan.
Initially, she wanted me to become her submissive. She believed she could feed the submissive in me and I wouldn’t be tempted to submit elsewhere. In the meantime, we would continue with our work on empowerment and entitlement. In time, theoretically, my dominant side will overpower my submissive side.
However, me submitting to D was not going to work for me. Or her. Not in the way she wanted. So instead we compromised. I am D’s “obedient student”. I call her by her first name. We remain friends and converse as friends. I acknowledge that she is my superior in the realm of Female Domination and as such, though I can argue my points, she has final say in this area.
It will be interesting to see where this goes. For now, the experiment is a bit in limbo because D has gone on holiday for a month. She did leave me with some tasks to complete before she gets back. One is strictly for me to work on and is going to involve a ton of soul searching.
The other two research tasks she assigned are my responsibility to ensure they get done to her satisfaction. However, she has encouraged me to pass them on to my subs, stating “what are subs for other than to make our lives easier?”
I was very quick to do this. I think I am going to be judged by how well a job they do when she returns. So I have impressed upon each of them how important this task is and if not completed to my complete satisfaction, punishment will be severe.
I sure hope they don’t let me down.