Guess what time it is–time to do TMI Tuesday!
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Primer to terminology used this week.
What is considered moral or immoral, accepted or prohibited is generally defined by the norms, values, and beliefs of society.
1. Agree or Disagree. If people want to have more than one spouse they should be allowed to do that.
I agree with this.
2. Do you believe in ethical non-monogamy?
Yes, in theory, since I don’t have much lived experience. It has been my belief since my teenage years that we can love freely, that we shouldn’t be limited in our feelings and expressions of love. Most are happy and satisfied with monogamy, and that’s ok. But why stigmatize others for wanting multiple loves in their life? (By the way, I also believe love takes on many forms, ie, romantic love, sexual love, platonic love, nurturing love, etc)
This is my theory. And I do acknowledge that it is idealistic and not necessarily realistic. To truly work, you need partners who all believe in this theory whole-heartedly, ones who are going to put in the work and communication required to make this theory a success.
And I do not hold delusions that that kind of lifestyle is easy. Even without the experience, I know that it would require hard work, open and honest communication, superior time management, extreme compassion and empathy for others, and an almost saint-like ability to compromise. Like I said, not easy and everyone would need to be on the same page.
Which is why I also think that lifestyle is unattainable for most.
3. Is polyamory something you want?
This answer became way too long, so it will be a future post. Stay tuned. For now, I will say I am non-practising poly. Kinda like a non-practising Christian 🙂 Though there are elements of polyamory within my dynamic with Sir (It is acceptable for me to play with others, provided no sex is involved.)
[Go here to read my long answer]
4. Do you wish that your ethical non-monogamy was a societal/cultural norm?
I do, I wish that it was the norm for everyone in Society to believe in, and practice openly if they so choose, multiple loves. Normalizing it would make it more accepted and would give others who feel that way the courage to live that way.
5. If you are in or have been in an open sexual relationship, what are the best bits?
I haven’t had much experience. I did experience compersion for a former partner. I felt happiness and joy for him when his relationship was going well. I loved him, so I was happy knowing he was in a relationship that made him happy and fulfilled his needs. I enjoyed giving advice. I enjoyed hearing about the time they spent together. I also had my jealous/possessive moments, but mostly I was encouraging and supportive and that made me feel good.
Unfortunately, when I was the one trying to have something additional, it was not well received, so I can’t really answer what was the best part for me.
The best bits now in my current dynamic is that Sir understands my needs and, even though it’s not for him, he allows me to play with others and trusts me to stay within our established boundaries. I appreciate his trust and acceptance more than he probably realizes. I love him amd respect him more for it, which benefits our relationship.
Bonus: Describe what your ideal intimate and/or sexual relationship would look like today.
Sir completely satisfies me sexually. I have an abundance of orgasms whenever we fuck. His technique is amazing, the way he moves, his motion and positions are so much more than gratifying.
There are only two things missing for me. One is I would benefit from more “scene play”. Sir and I look at “play” differently. For him, play and sex are rolled into one. He combines BDSM with sex. This is wonderful and I enjoy it immensely.
However, for me sex and play has typically been separate. I had no problem adjusting to Sir’s way though! I love the sadistic things he does during sex. I thrive when bondage is added to sex. Verbal humilation. Etc.
But I would enjoy more frequent “scene-type” play, where the focus is on something BDSM related, ie pussy torture, impact, cutting, wax, humiliation, etc. And in my ideal world this would be on a weekly basis! But I would be satisfied with byweekly too.
The second thing is the occasional addition of another or others, as participants and/or observers (to fulfill the exhibitionist in me). I shared with Sir from the beginning that I enjoy threesomes and moresomes. I also shared that I’ve never been double penetrated by two men and this is a great desire for me.
However, he was clear from the beginning that this is not his thing. It doesn’t do anything for him. He prefers to focus on pleasing one partner, getting to know her, what excites her, what turns her on, what makes her cum. That being said, he also said since he knows it’s something I get great benefit from, he is open to it happening one day, when the right candidate or candidates are found. He is very selective, so I understand this will take time, especially while a pandemic is on.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI blog so we’ll all know wphere to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!