Our first misunderstanding

SirL and I had our first misunderstanding this week. I informed him that I was going to be in a video chat that night. He responded in a way that I interpreted as him being upset about it (his words were perfectly fine, but it was reminiscent of something from a previous relationship, so I interpreted the “tone” of his text to be insincere and sarcastic) And when I didn’t hear from him the rest of the night, it validated for me that yes, he was upset and was being passive aggressive about it.

My assumptions had my mind spinning and overthinking all night. I hardly got any sleep and my chest was tight. I became bound and determined to put my guard back up and pull back from SirL, because I didn’t want to get hurt. I would have bet everything, based on what I know of him already, that SirL was not the passive aggressive type, but I was completely triggered by past experiences, and that’s what I saw in front of me.

After a very fitful sleep, this is how it went the following morning:

About 30 seconds after I sent my response, my phone was ringing. It was SirL. I almost didn’t answer it because I was convinced he was angry.

He was calm as he explained to me that he had assumed, based on my last video chat, that this one would run the same, from 8-10pm. He gets up really early for work and wanted to be rested for my visit tonight, so he simply went to sleep, and didn’t get my text.

As for the “tone” I picked up in his text, turns out there was no tone. He meant what he said, he wasn’t being sarcastic.

When I explained what had gone through my head and the origins, he completely understood. He told me he is not passive aggressive in the slightest (I knew this). He gives and expects total honest communication. He said he will never get angry with me for bringing something up, even if its something he’s not happy to hear. He does not raise his voice and does not use name calling, because he sees it as counter productive. He felt really bad that I had tossed and turned all night.

I apologized as well. I felt really silly, overreacting the way I did. But he told me I shouldn’t feel silly, that he could understand how I reached my conclusions.

Later when we were face to face, we talked more about our first hurdle. He explained further…

As a Dom, it’s his job to always ensure the sub’s mind and body are in sync. When the mind isn’t engaged and in the right place, the body won’t respond the way he wants it to. The conditioning he’s doing won’t work, he said. If he has to keep stopping in order to fix things, it slows down what he’s trying to do with me and what he’s trying to create for us.

So that’s why it’s important for me to share with him whenever I have an issue. So it can be addressed immediately. He also praised me for communication with him.

I feel as though he handled the situation as a Dominant should. He didn’t show anger, he kept calm, he listened, he communicated, and he addressed it immediately. As you see in the text, when he sensed something was wrong he asked. When it was confirmed that yes there was an issue, he didn’t continue to text, but called me to talk about it.

I appreciate how he handled this first hurdle of ours. It could have gone so much differently. As it stands, I feel safe now, knowing I can express myself and he will always be in control of him, will listen, and will communicate his own thoughts and feelings on the issue.

And that means on with the good stuff!

Maybe it was because of what had transpired, but I was his princess last night, pampered and spoiled all night. I was fucked good for a long time, until I was exhausted and begging him to please cum. I was permitted to suck his cock for as long as I wanted. I got a total body beard rub down. I was rubbed and touched and held and kissed. I got my feet massaged! And mixed in with all of that, I got all the bites, and hits, and punches, and pinches too!

Also, I got to release my sadistic side. SirL has a very high pain tolerance and he doesn’t mind me (hurting him during sex, encourages it even, because it triggers something primal in him. He had me bite him so hard I left marks all over his thighs. I dug my nails in and scratched him. When I tried to lash out and hit though, well ….. that didn’t go over too well lol My wrists were grabbed and I was held down while he growled and fucked me even harder. So essentially it was win-win!

One thing he doesn’t let me do is fuck him, with me on top. He said if he let that happen, he would go soft as soon as I got on top of him. Honestly, I’m good with that. I don’t particularly enjoy being on top. He did say one day I may earn that privilege, as a really big reward for something significant. But I’d be ok if that doesn’t happen.