EXTERNAL INFLUENCES

Hi there! 👋 

So I took a break for a couple months, from writing but also from reading blogs. I also took a break from Fetlife, reading stories on Literotica, and looking at porn (not that I watched that much porn, but on occasion). So I basically took a step back from all external kink/BDSM/D-s influences. Here’s my reasoning for that…. 

I  don’t believe any of those sources I listed are bad. But I can sometimes become too immersed in them. And when I cross the line into it being “too much”, that’s when I will start the comparisons or when I start to experience FOMO (fear of missing out). 

I don’t set out to do this consciously. Sometimes I read about someone’s experience, or see a photo, and if it’s something I’d like to experience, I feel this sort of…. longing or something. Negative thoughts arise involuntarily. Thoughts of I’d like that turn into Why can’t I experience that? And Why doesn’t He ever do that to me?…Do I not deserve that?… Is He not interested in me anymore?… Maybe He’s just selfish and doesn’t think about my needs at all! 

Yeah, that last one…. oof, that’s the hardest one to own up to. I feel like shit for thinking that way. But that’s what can happen, when I become too immersed in the external influences, particularly when I’m also struggling with something. 

Logically, of course I know that people on social media portray their best. It’s all about “living my best life!” I’m guilty of that as well. But I know that there are things going on behind that picture, that writing, that isn’t being portrayed. Everyone struggles. Every relationship has its ups and downs, every dynamic has its ebbs and flows. 

But that’s hard to focus on, especially when I may be struggling, when my dynamic may be ebbing in that moment, or when we are addressing something challenging within our relationship. That’s when those external influences are not about Wow that’s pretty cool! But become Why am I not gettin mine? 

Sir and I had some challenges we were facing together (as every couple does from time to time). I was faced with some decisions to make. And I couldn’t make any decision with all that noise going on, from the blogs, Fetlife, etc. I had to tune out the external and focus internally. 

So I shut it all out for a time. 

And I discovered some things in the quietness. 

What I have with Him is pretty damn good. It’s worth holding onto. It’s worth doing the hard work when that becomes necessary; because when we come out the other side we are closer than before, our commitment more solid, and we’ve learned more about the other, and even ourselves. 

I’ve been dipping my toes back into the external. I want not to become consumed by it again. When I see or read something that gives me that longing or FOMO feeling, I recognize it. I might choose to close what I’m looking at. But sometimes, just acknowledging my emotions and reminding myself about what I have, is enough to distinguish those thoughts. 

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This hasn’t been easy to write. Much harder to actually hit that button and have it posted, for all to read. It’s not something we typically talk about or admit publicly. 

But I believe I’m not the only one that is impacted by the external influences, at times. There’s a reason we have coined the term “social media influencer“. Sometimes the influence is positive. Sometimes it’s not. So why not be open about that?